how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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