You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize