well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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