so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
