Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize