mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
