Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The air was thick with penises
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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