ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
