OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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