Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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