I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
