she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
