she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
