He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
