Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
