my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize