4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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