Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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