Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
