Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
