If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
