Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
