Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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