some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
