Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
