I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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