I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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