I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
