you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize