Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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