I will die if light touches me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
