I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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