My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
