Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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