I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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