i jhust puked up my retainher.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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