Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
