I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
