idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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