I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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