I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize