Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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