We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
