It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
