It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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