Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
