I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She bit a glass in half.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
