He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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