He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
