Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
