You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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