Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
