I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
