I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i think i have herpe
just one?
my sisters under your porch take her home
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
ok first of all what the fuck
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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