i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
