why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
pray to the hookup gods
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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