dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
