He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
