I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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