I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
