I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
