CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
