I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
