Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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