Pregnant stripper...not hot.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize