just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
