you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i now understand why vodka
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
