if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
wow bdsm is so cute
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