i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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