Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Randomize
