You just made me feel so damn special
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize