What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize