The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
