Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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