it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
