i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
